Yasashī Shinjitsu to Seiryaku Kekkon Volume 1 Chapter 2

‘What are your hobbies, Princess Matilda?’

She gave a wry smile at the tea set, as she thought to herself; this “Princess” is an unbalanced woman who was passed over years ago.

They were having tea again.

Matilda tilted her head thoughtfully to one side as she replied, ‘Hobbies…? Maybe…chess and backgammon?’

Truth be told, she did not really have a true hobby. Chess and backgammon had been exercises on tactics and strategy. While she had been pleased her father was her opponent, but she’d felt she had to show him her strength, desperately giving it her all. But truthfully, she didn’t actually like chess or backgammon, it was only because her father was her opponent she had enjoyed them.

Reading and swordsmanship had been learned because they were a necessity. She was unsure whether sewing and knitting could be regarded as hobbies.

She stopped to wonder; was she a boring woman?

That was depressing.

This would not do, she should behave like a grown up. She was in another country now. For now, she should study her royal duties so that when she starts, the Emperor before her would not be burdened by her inadequacies. She was sure this was what was required of her.

‘Maybe we’ll play together someday soon.’ He said with his usual refreshing smile.

‘Yes, when you have time,’ Matilda replied smiling.

There most likely would never be time.

After their tea, which must have looked lovely and happy to onlookers but was truly empty, Matilda returned to her rooms. 

⚔

Ten days have passed since Matilda’s arrival in Barenshiaga, Leandroth made an effort to see Matilda when he could. It made her worried and apologetic. Since he was too busy to have supper with her, they set their next meeting for another of his tea time breaks. Matilda could not find a good reason to refuse since he invited her to join him despite being busy, she decided to accept. Since they wouldn’t see each other for a while, Matilda thought of things they might talk about.

Matilda had been surprised when she heard Barenshiaga accepted the political alliance through marriage. Sitting on a wisteria chair, her new favourite thing she discovered in her short time here, she opened a book on Barenshiaga history. She had repeatedly read it over and over since being told she was being betrothed to Barenshiaga. As a child, she had read Barenshiaga history as part of her tutored subjects, now she was reading it as a citizen. It gave her a bit of an odd inexplicable feeling. But she did not dwell on it, and concentrated on the book. After a few minutes of reading, she looked up, a sensation washed over her. So she stood up and looked out into the garden that her window overlooked. In the courtyard, she could see Leandroth and a noblewoman chatting amicably. This was something she’d seen quite a few times. He was always smiling and friendly, making the woman laugh like he was tickling her. He was good at talking, and making people feel at ease with him she concluded as she watched the dazzling pair, she sighed and returned to her chair.

She used to think that being called “Princess” was an amazing thing. She used to believe as long as she worked hard she could achieve what she wanted. But persevering for such a long time would make one tired and she was tired. She wondered if she should return home, but she had no place there anymore. She had been called “Princess” to the world, but it was only just for show: To boost the morale of their citizens. She had thought she had been helping her father; managing schedules, brewing tea, but these were only trivialities. Sometimes, she went to the battlefield but she was only there as decoration, a placeholder to show the soldiers royalty is with them. (Zuben: Why are they warring? I thought they were at peace? Convenient nonsense is convenient)

Just by being there, her presence encouraged the soldiers' morale, they were more receptive to commands and showed more enthusiasm. Despite her exaggerated status, she was only a girl. When confronted with the unfamiliar, she would be nervous and want to escape quickly. Her thoughts must seem selfish; it wasn’t so bad, was it?

The emperor was kind; however, she was suspicious of his motives. Looking out the window, she thought of home again. She did not have to persevere anymore. She did not want to have to live. Her father, the king, had wanted a son. Her fiancé, the Emperor, wanted an Empress to hide his mistress behind. No one wanted Matilda. She sat leaned back in her wisteria chair, staring off into the distance. She remembered she had brought the poison with her. She looked down at her chest, the small vial hung down a chain nestled between her breasts. (Zuben: This chick is depressed and depressing.) Every royal Princess is given this secret medicine, because they have to marry far from home and might end up in life or situation that was untenable.

Matilda was the only daughter of the sickly King of Icecoreta, so she had been taught and encouraged as the future Queen of Icecoretta. Though, her father still loved Matilda’s mother, he had been encouraged by his advisors to remarry. He married his deceased wife’s younger sister. Despite being relatives, the new Queen and Matilda were not close. She was not mean, but rather aloof. When Matilda turned sixteen; the queen gave birth to a baby boy and another the year later. Matilda still worked hard with the thought that she was the future queen of Icecoretta. But her father pulled away from her, so much so that she did not feel like she was a part of the family any longer. He never really cared for her as his daughter, she thought, he only really wanted sons. In Icecoretta culture, a child was not fully human until they successfully reached age of seven, before that they were still fae and if they die, they return to the fae world. Matilda had been raised as a queen because there had been little choice, but the councils decided a woman could not succeed the throne; she did not have the right. The feeling of being unwanted grew year by year. She still performed her duties, going to meetings and ceremonies and balls. Her younger brother was named Crown Prince once he turned seven. After three years passed, he turned ten, but the ascension ceremony had not been performed. It seemed because she was still there, carrying out the duties of the Crown. Despite all this, she still yearned for her family’s love and acknowledgement. Despite the increasing feeling of neglect and loneliness, she had not drunk the poison.

Her wedding was in one month and twenty days…

If she took a drop of this medicine, once every day, she would die in ten days.

She took pick the vial from out of her cleavage and held it up to the light of the sun. It was a blue liquid in a beautiful blue bottle. It sparkled in the light.

It would make things easy.

I love you. I like…

She smiled bitterly. Such a foolish woman she was, having such vivid sexual fantasies about man she had only met a few times.

Maybe her brothers would be sad. They had become close in time, they practised martial arts together. But they would overcome their grief in time, they were bright and healthy. But as for her father and Leandroth, she knew they would not care if she was gone. She’d thought it would be right to marry politically and become Empress. The union would keep up appearances. Originally, she would have been thankful for a delay, but it was just exhausting trying to look sincere and grateful.

⚔

Five days passed with her in that vague state.

Leandroth, who made time to meet and chat for some mysterious reason, was smiling and chatting in the gardens and courtyards with noble and high ranking women. She was never invited along for these trysts.

She breathed in and breathed out.

She was tired.

She had studied everything from politics, economics, ethics, trade, swordsmanship, strategy and tactics to help her father from her childhood. She even acted as her father’s secretary so she could understand the intricacies of running the affairs of state.

To keep her father close, she studied martial arts. She made sure never to be an embarrassment to her father by studying clothing, jewellery, and practising cosmetic techniques so that she looked well when socialising. Despite her fear of the battlefield, she headed out to boost the troops morale. She wanted to be of use to her father and the kingdom. She had worked hard in her duty. She wanted to be a beloved daughter.

She wanted him to see that she was necessary.

In Icecoretta, a woman could not be crowned ruler.

In her heart of hearts, she had always hoped her father would change that law. Now, she felt like she was trapped in ice, forever frozen.

She wanted to be born a man; she wanted to be needed like her father needed her brother

She wanted to be seen.

There was some nausea, but she bore with it.

She took out the glittering blue bottle from her bosom.

‘This is my life…’

She took off the pendant cork of the bottle and placed a drop at the back of her hand. She hesitated a moment before she licked the light blue drop.

Was it a trick of the mind or was she shaking due to the medicine?

She suppressed the vigorous shaking and replaced the cork and placed the necklace back around her neck.

The twinkling liquid was beautiful.

She really wanted to have a good rest. No one needed an ugly perverted woman like her. She could not deny that truth, but it still saddened her.

However, tears did not fall.

A word from Zuben:

My word! I was looking for some pervy hanky panky rom-com like Outashisi or Maritta Hime no Konrei. This is more like My Fiance/Husband is in Love with My Sister (and secretly plots my downfall and I keep fucking resurrecting), that one made me cry! I shall keep the hope, I hope it would turn out like the CN novel Love Me Again, which was angsty at the start and turned steamy at the end. Fingers crossed!

Whenever dear reader is reading this, I am clueless as you are about the future until the next chapter. If I rush forward reading this I most definitely will not finish it. Translating chapter by chapter, there is still a chance <.<.

Be good to yourselves out there. Don’t be like this depressing princess.

Index⚔Chapter 3